Resolving Conflict When People Join Commercial Forces

Sun Herald

Sunday September 16, 2007

David Wilson

Disagreements are an inevitable aspect of partnerships, but there are ways to avoid the relationship crumbling into a state of irreconcilable differences, David Wilson writes.

IF publicist Debbie Coffey ran into antagonism when she was really young, she would go for the jugular. Now Coffey, who runs Paddington fashion, beauty and lifestyle PR agency Hush Communications with her partner Lisa Poulos, deals with disagreements differently.

"I was a bit too passionate about things. Then I learnt the art of negotiation," she says.

Her tactic is simple: talk things through immediately and don't leave any issues unresolved.

Addressing any tension that does arise directly and civilly means an eventual resolution is more or less guaranteed, Coffey says, adding that action is imperative. "Marriages, friendships and business partnerships break up just because people don't know how to resolve issues," she says.

"Nip them in the bud. You've just got to be honest and, in conflict resolution, it's not often what you say but how you say it that eventuates in the ideal resolution.

"Be civil: beg to differ rather than disagree, and never snap. Indeed, think twice before broaching an issue that bugs you because often, on reflection, it no longer seems worth even discussing."

The karma-like approach towards conflict management seems to work for the pair. Despite working together since 2001, they hold no grudges against one another. Coffey says, on the contrary, they collaborate so harmoniously their relationship inspires envy. Explaining the basis of its success, she says she and her partner have similar values.

"Also, we're like weird twins and often swap roles when we have to play good cop, bad cop as problems arise that we have to resolve for others."

By established agreement, neither twin is allowed to act unilaterally. All policy decisions are made together. But no matter how united the front any partnership presents, some tension will always creep in, she says. "It's only natural to have rows in a partnership: it's like a marriage. We see more of each other than [we do] our husbands and children."

Unlike a married couple, the Hush partners have no contract. Their relationship is based on trust - a risky tactic, according to lawyer and business writer Paul Brennan. A contract provides rules and certainty as to how a relationship will end.

"If you do not have it there can be a lot of argument and frustration," Brennan says.

"Often business partners will fight each other, even if there is nothing of real value to fight about," he says.

Possible bones of contention include the name of the business in question, the name of its website, which accountant should do the books - you name it.

"If there is no money to argue over, people will be bloody-minded and fight over this sort of thing, anything."

Even success can be a source of conflict. "When a business starts to succeed, the spouses of the partners start sticking their oar in, or even joining the payroll. That can drive the other partner to distraction and cause an acrimonious break-up," Brennan says.

He himself manages to stay on good terms with his business partner, who is his wife, thanks to a shared commitment to the approach recommended by the American comedian Phyllis Diller. "We do not go to bed mad, we stay up and fight."

He accepts that some people are beyond any kind of conciliation. If they "treat you like a mug and rip you off", you might have no choice but to sue. Nonetheless, avoid litigation if you can.

Win or lose, the expense and stress of going to court are the killers, Brennan says.

TWO'S COMPANY

* Sometimes be prepared to shake hands and walk away so that you can get on with your life.

* Have a good relationship with your lawyer.

* Don't just throw yourself up against the wire hoping for the best - be tactical.

* Wish for your opponent to fall under a bus but do not say it. The more satisfying the insult, the more it costs you to resolve the dispute. Sun Tzu says in The Art Of War: the object of war is peace. Loosely translated this means only give them hell when you know that you can get away with it - forever.

Source: Sydney lawyer and business writer Paul Brennan.

© 2007 Sun Herald

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